Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Way That Things Were Meant To Be

Someone asked me (and I am sure that many others were wondering) if and/or when I was going to have another baby. After all Gunnar will be 3 this April. I really didn't want my kids to be this far apart. I told them that it wouldn't be anytime soon because I would be taking care of my mom fulltime the next 6 months but that I probably would like to be pregnant this summer because it would be super early in the pregnancy and then my dad would be home. That I was just grateful that I didn't already have a baby or was going to have one any day now sort of thing. The person told me that she cared for an elderly person through two of her pregnancies so she had no sympathy for me. At the time I really didn't know what to say but knew that the response really was not that nice. With lots of thought I quickly realized that things just happen when they are supposed to. Our Heavenly Father knows what is coming down the pipeline for all of us. He is very aware of our situation and how the situations of others will affect us.

Heidi and I both have been trying for the last yearor so and nothing has happened. We know that Jeff and I can have kids with no complications but you always wonder if something is wrong when you have never had a child like Heidi and Ren's case. I honestly believe that Heavenly Father knew that babies right now would not be the right thing for all of us. Looking back, I seriously would not want to throw a baby into the mix. Especially since some of that time was far from home and family/friends. One reason why I was a little irritated with that person's comment was because I am not simply caring for an elderly person that I have no emotional family relation to. I am caring for my MOM! Let me tell you, it is soooo different. All of our energy, and I literally mean all, has been directed towards keeping her alive and then recovering. It is sooo exhausting. Having a baby and then taking care of it is sooo exhausting. Both would not work. We are also throwing so much of our energy towards my mom because, honestly, she will recover unlike a very elderly, bedridden person. I don't mean that in a mean way. It is that my mom is young. She has really positive chances that she will make a fantastic recovery. She has already proven to us that she can walk again and her speech is improving daily in such a short amount of time. She may one day be back at work. She is very mobile and alert. Just two entirely different situations.

I know that Heavenly Father is aware and puts us in situations and places when we need to be. Four years later, boy are we glad that we followed the spirit and moved to where we did for many reasons. And it is such a blessing that Heidi and Ren did the same thing. We could also go back further and look at my parents choices like their ability to build a house specifically for things like this (they expected it to happen much later in life), to find the property itself the way that my mom did and to be in such an awesome, caring ward. For my dad to have the opportunity to work where he does and make what he does to not worry financially. If you are doing everything right and following the spirit, things will happen when they are supposed to.

8 clever remarks:

Amanda said...

I respect you so much for this. I am not going through the same things you are, but I get asked all the time when we will have another and mine isn't 2 yet. We also waited a while to get pregnant with her. People couldn't understand. Also when we did start trying it took us a year to get pregnant,it is interesting how you just know when it's right and Heavenly Father knows when it's right.

Trenton & Maren said...

I love reading your blog and keeping tabs on how your mom is progressing! I have been impressed with how dedicated you & your family have been with your mom's recovery! I am sorry someone made hurtful comments to you. I think people really forget to bite their tongue on certain issues, or they don't fully realize what another person is going through before they make comments. You never know what others are going through, but it is nice to know that Heavenly Father knows each of us personally and has a plan for us. I had a hard time getting pregnant with my first child and we also waited a while to get through some school first. Going through that time was hard for me, but looking back I see that the Lord's timetable was good. I wouldn't want to change the way things turned out. Amazing how the Lord knows best!! You are awesome Kristi!!

AMY AND MIKEY said...

That was a really good post. Amen to all of it. It's funny that 3 years is a long time where you live, because here in liberal oregon, it seems like everyone's kids are 3-4 years apart. It sounds like this person maybe was older? Which also says alot, different generation, stuck in their own times when women were pressured to have lots of kids. You are righteous, I can tell from your blog, i feel the spirit every time I read it, it is absolutely true what you said, Heavenly father planned all of this, because he knew it would be too hard to handle both a baby and your mom at the same time. I'm so glad you guys can help your mom, and that you live so close to eachother. I'm sorry you had to be confronted by a person who didn't know what htey were talking about.

Janna said...

Wow! Good for you for responding with restraint. I sometimes can't believe what people say. And thank goodness for spiritual guidance!!!

Sharon/mom said...

Sweet Kristie,
It is hard when people are so ignorant and rude. I have come to learn the best way to handle those comments are just like you did. The only time I usually fight back is for someone else. I have learned it helps in that situation, but if it is for me the best thing is to let Heavenly Father take care of it. I remember once someone in the family criticized my kids for not having their babies closer together. It was all I could do to not say, "didn't you read the quote from Pres. Hinckley about not asking other people when they are going to have a baby. That it is between the mom, dad and the Lord." Instead I just smiled and said something like "I keep out of there business". At times like that I just tell myself they don't understand. You are so right, your mom needs you, Mindy and Heidi so much. She is doing so well, amazingly so, but she isn't done yet and needs you. Babies and recovery from babies are so hard. There are lots of years left for babies, and like you said Heavenly Father will bring them when it is time! Sometimes he brings them into the world at the most inconvenient times and we don't realize why until later, (my son's kids). The same is true for not sending kids to the earth. If Heavenly Father thought it was best for you and Heidi to have babies right now, He would have sent them no matter what. But obviously that is not what He wanted. I for one am glad that is what he chose. I love you all so much and am so grateful for your loving spirits. Remember I am here, I know I am a long ways away, but I am here!

Amber H. said...

Ok, so why does she think it's even her business anyway? If you aren't ready to have a baby, you aren't ready to have one. It doesn't matter your reasoning. That comment was SO rude! I'm so glad it was you and not me! Good for you for having such a great attitude about everything. You are RIGHT, things happen the way they are supposed to and only you and Heavenly Father know what that is.

Orton Family said...

Hi Kristie -

The Lord does have a plan for all of us and knows all things and it is definitely different for each family and individual. I am grateful that he is watching out for your family and the timing of all things. I am so glad that you can be there for your mother right now - What a great blessing you must be to her!
I think many times we are all a little too quick to judge each other, just to find out later from personal experience that what we thought was so wrong or we didn't understand the whole situation. We have been on both sides of that before and felt and seen the effects of it and it feels so good to not worry about what people are or are not doing and just focus on loving and helping each other with what we are doing and are going through. Thanks for a great post - it is good to remind each other that we can be a lot more sensitive and understanding in our thoughts and what we say. I remember one of my religion teachers who wasn't able to have children for 15 years talk about how each of us have our "Gethsemane" - For him it was not having children for the first 15 years of their marriage, for his friend it was having 12 children in the first 15 years. It is different for all of us and the Lord will help us through. Have a great day Kristie!

Brandon and Katee said...

Oh my word, people can be so rude and judgemental sometimes. Just know that all that matters is you and Jeff and what you feel is right. Your mom comes first right now and she needs you. I would have reacted the same way as you probably, standing there in shock wanting to slap the person ;) I look up to you a lot and what you are doing for you parents. You are an awesome person and have a big, good heart. We love you guys.